Facing Difficult - even - Impossible Situations

In some way we are all facing difficult - even seemingly impossible - situations, ESPECIALLY OUR COMMUNITY LEADERS.

What difficult, even impossible, situations are you being pushed to face; personal, community, business, political, …? It can seem too much to face, understand, or do anything about. But it isn’t going away.

During these times we are challenged to be at our brightest and best. Yet often we can feel trapped in confusion and overwhelm when facing an ongoing difficult or impossible situation. Becoming fixed in tunnel vision about it restricts our ability to see the entire playing field as clearly as we need to. In effect, it empowers the conditions that are causing our overwhelm. Being preoccupied about it also restricts access to our intelligences and skills - that we need in order to manage, into resolving - what is out of control in our situation.

Through it all, how can we progress in knowing we have the ability and resources to face and resolve these situations? 

There are ways to progress in dealing any situation. This is not empty rhetoric. It’s not often easy in the difficult situations. It requires a compelling motivation to face and deal with it. And realizing we need help enables us to reach out for the needed support systems and resources.

Historically we are reminded that, like it or not, facing and resolving difficult situations is part of the human experience.  We are all-in-the-game and it’s our personal, as well as collective, responsibility to continue waking up, showing up, and finding ways to keep moving forward.

Let’s talk about 3 fundamentals that can make a difference. 1) Creating the conditions for quiet-time. 2) Consistent mindfulness practices for refreshing the intelligence of our spirit, mind, and emotion. 3) Generating a support system based in alignment and trust.   

I encourage developing and employing these fundamentals as a way of life. It’s not just for resolving the tar-pit stuff. Life is not just an ongoing problem, though it can seem that way. Employing these fundamentals also raises-the-bar of our abilities to influence and appreciate whatever we are doing.

1) Creating the conditions for quiet-time. This is so essential. But the impact of life's difficult situations, seemingly endless, create a windstorm that promotes pressure and confusion. At times it can feel like our spirit is being crushed. It can be disorienting. So actually scheduling and creating ways to step out of the storm has become an ongoing process - and responsibility - for all of us. Otherwise the lens through which we see, understand and respond to life’s challenges remains clouded and unsettled.

Wouldn’t it be nice if simply having insights was enough to generate the change necessary to make a difference? 

But when we feel locked in preoccupation about something overwhelming, a sense of helplessness can linger. It can feel impossible to pause from it for even a moment. 

So it takes awareness, structure and discipline to become organized, as needed, for creating our quiet-time. 

I have learned that unwavering commitment is also necessary or it is unlikely to happen. 

It helps to schedule it between activities of the day. For example, first thing in morning, before or after meals, after work, and at end of the day.

Creating a routine where it happens the same time every day can also be useful. Even after decades of routine, if I don’t start my day with a mindfulness practice, it likely won’t happen at a later time.

Let’s look at ways your quiet-time activity can be so replenishing that you are motivated to do it.

When you start your day, are you up and off to the races? What would it be like to set the tone for your day with a mindfulness practice, and then at bedtime to set the tone for easing into a restful sleep in a similar way.

When you are getting ready in the morning for work, are you so absorbed in your situation that you could walk by a family member and not even see them? What would it be like to go for a short walk before breakfast and dinner. The ground rules for quiet-time involve leaving the difficult situation aside, and simply focusing on and enjoying your walk or whatever you are doing. This is easier said than done but is very doable with practice.

What are other quiet-time activities for you? Some of it may reflect personal interests, such as, listening to music that soothes or inspires you, or painting just for the fun of it (what a novel idea).

Are you drawn to time in nature, even time in your yard. What are your hobbies, especially things you’ve enjoyed but haven’t done in a while? And during these personal activities, how about leaving the phone and computer in another area?

Again, disengaging from being fixed on the problem requires all of your discipline to let it go and fully focus on what you are doing. With practice we can learn to become absorbed in these personal quiet-time activities which offer the refreshment so sorely needed.  

 2) Consistent mindfulness practice for refreshing the intelligence of our spirit, mind, and emotion.

Difficult or impossible situations don’t just resolve or go away because we want them to. Instead, they continue to grind us down. 

Through it all, the situation(s) needs to be faced and understood. This includes realizing what is really happening but not yet obvious, rather than being fixed on what fuels our fears. Seeing the playing field, and ourselves, more clearly uncovers the potential for strategies leading to change and resolution.

So structuring quiet-times during our day becomes necessary - for engaging the practices needed for the personal refreshment - to operate at our brightest and best. In my personal experience, along with decades of working with clients, nothing less will do. 

This enables an alignment of our refreshed intelligences, every one of them. When one or more of them are overwhelmed, it restricts all of them.

Daily mindfulness practice softens our focus allowing access to the heart of our spiritual intelligence. (More about that in future articles.) It also offers stillness to our mind for releasing fixed thinking. And it calms the emotions for sensing the information that our feelings are offering us about the situation.

Overall, mindfulness fortifies our capability for calm, clear awareness. This enlivens our day to day. It also provides a foundation from which to maintain, and as needed to regain, our composure during stressful times. This is a difference maker. 

Let’s revisit the practice of mindfulness. As always, keeping it simple makes it accessible. 

Sit comfortably or walk slowly w/o distractions. Doing this in nature can enhance the experience. With eyes softly open, simply experience the inhalation and exhalation of your breath. Being mind-full, focus your full awareness on what you are sensing in the present moment, not distracted by concerns.

This is a fluid process from present moment to present moment. The focus includes not interrupting the flow of your observations with thinking or judgments. This is important. So when it happens, simply notice it, take a breath, and let go of the thinking or judgment, while returning to the present moment. 

With practice, these mindfulness skills can be accessible when facing the intensity of an overwhelming situation. This can minimize any tendency to get stuck in confusion or overwhelm, and regain composure as needed. 

If this is new to you, then I recommend starting with 5 to 10 minutes, and progressing to 20 minutes or more. It will enable a change in mindset. 

Doing it first thing in the morning can help ease into the practice as we are just opening into our day and haven’t yet fully stepped into the pace of activity. I also practice 30 seconds of mindfulness before every meal, as well as before every appointment. It makes a difference and requires a bit of discipline. 

The singular focus of observing in present time, without thinking about or judging it, is enhanced by also experiencing the breath. It promotes a quiet-stillness. 

The foundation of this quiet-stillness then enables us to more clearly sense the key points throughout the stressful situation. We can be less restricted by the intensity of our personal entanglement about it. Our capacity is enhanced to better understand and then more effectively influence the situation.   

3) Generating a support system based in alignment and trust. 

The empowerment of shared purpose and commitment, for each other and what is possible, offers a scope of support and inspiration that is available when needed most.

Resolving difficult - impossible  situations requires a collective effort. However, reacting to difficult or impossible situations can prompt us to retreat into isolation. 

Technology and the internet have aggressively advanced the pace & scope of information and change to which we need to process, understand and effectively respond. Through it all the impact can be disorienting & overwhelming.

Fortunately the human condition is designed to face and resolve pressing challenges. This is easier said than done with today’s conditions. BUT - it is doable.

Today’s conditions require we step into becoming the pioneers that are needed to figure it out, starting yesterday.

How do we uncover the fixed beliefs, perspectives and actions that are restricting our ability to clearly see the situation? How do we enable our awareness to navigate through the tar-pit of emotion, including blame, anger and fear. Otherwise we are getting burned out via shadow boxing and nothing changes.

Our awareness needs the personal FREEDOM to uncover the significant, contributing factors and dynamics of the situation, whatever they are. This may not be easy or pretty. But it is required for generating an understanding of the situation that can progress over time. This guides the strategies for communication & relationships on all sides - for pulling the wagon together - to contain, manage and eventually resolve the situation.

We get there one step at a time.

How can we enable this freedom? 

In a word, SUPPORT. 

We need the support of trusted others for helping uncover blindfolds, for helping to decompress, for being a private sounding board about the ongoing challenges of the situation, and for … ....

But highly stressful situations engender overwhelm, especially when it is ongoing. 

We can be so deep in the fight, so preoccupied with concerns of danger and wrongdoing, that it feels unsafe to reach out for support. That would involve some vulnerability. And the magnetic dynamics of the fight can engage our focus 24/7. We then can’t step out of the felt danger of the situation because it feels unsafe to not be tense and on guard. It feels unsafe to decompress or reach out for support.

This fixed regression makes sense. But its impact restricts us to a mere fraction of our capacity and potential at a time when we need to show up as the embodiment of a field general who is a fully trained samurai.

Historically, the samurai field general was trained to face and deal with ANY encroaching situation. It was real life or death stuff. Mindfulness was at the center of this training. 

For us now, the sequence involves creating the conditions for quiet-time and consistent mindfulness practices.

Historically, the samurai field general was also aligned with a support system that created a safe circle wherein the participants were there with and for each other.

Generating a support system based in alignment and trust is a very doable process. But it can seem impossible to break out of the intensity of dealing with the ongoing situation.

So for several minutes, ask yourself two questions and respond with gut level honesty. To what extent are you on track for resolving your situation? What doesn’t change or gets worse if the situation continues its course?

As a field general, you already have a number of relationships in your inner circle. With whom do you have a sense of shared mission or purpose, values, capabilities, and an overall sense of affinity? 

Make a decision to reach out w/in 48 hours and schedule a talk time about it.

You may decide to reach out to one or two or more people. As a way of getting started, how do you initially see yourselves supporting each other? What is your vision of the integrity, intentions & motivations, and expectations of the relationship(s)? What is the shared commitment that could engender a deep level of alignment and trust? What structure will support all of this?

NOTE: The empowerment of shared purpose and commitment, for each other and what is possible, changes everything.

Facing difficult - impossible situations requires we show up at our brightest and best. Employing a support system based in alignment & trust enables us to do this by developing the unused 80 or 90% of our awareness & potential that is waiting in the wings to be summoned. 

The clock is ticking.

It’s time to enable these fundamentals building on what is already supporting you.

1) What is one thing you need to do for creating the time/space for quiet-time during weekdays, and during weekends? Keep it simple. Decide. Create a quiet time for today, even a few minutes.

2) This thing called mindfulness is simply about letting go of the pressures and easing into more of the present moment. How will you do this today? By sitting and just focusing on your breathing for 2 hours? Smiles, 5 minutes would be a good start. Or going for a quiet walk and simply experiencing what you see. Quiet walking could be a good segue as it involves movement while being mindful. Reminder to leave your phone and any agenda at your office or home.

3) What is the one thing that would make a difference in facing and dealing with your situation? Who in your current inner circle will you reach out to talk about the ways support can be generated for both, or all, of you? Schedule it for this week. Then be sure to do it.

As always I look forward to your feedback, along with suggestions for future articles.

HERE ARE SOME OF THE FORTHCOMING ARTICLES.

Commitment - A Driving Fore in Your Life

An Executive’s Stressors - And Reliable Self Care

From Being Stuck into Decision and Action

Embodying an Unwavering Heart. Note, this theme is the focus of my first 2 books, and the 3rd book which is currently being drafted.

SUBSCRIBE to my new series of weekly articles on Substack. otanpatrickford.substack.com.

Author via amazon.com

Unwavering Heart: 5 Keys to Living with Fierce Authenticity, 2014

Unwavering Heart: 5 Keys to Becoming your Destiny, 2017

otan@otanpatrickford.com 1.973.229.7174 https://www.otanpatrickford.com