An Executive's Stressors ... Reliable Self Care, Part 1
The stress of the local to global change accelerates the pace at which we are called to maintain a sustainable self care map.
This 2-part article will share, with permission, my conversation with an executive client about working through the stressful issues we face every day, and creating a self care map to steady his ship.
Executive, E: It never stops.
Otan, O: We focused a few days ago about how you are performing nonstop from one urgent situation to the next. It’s a never-ending race. We just looked at a few of them wherein something needs to get addressed and right away. But then someone or something doesn't cooperate. So many things are not getting resolved and the mounting stress is cumulative.
E: Yes, and as one issue gets resolved then within the next 24 hours 3 more follow. It’s typical crisis. Reminds me of what it must be like to be in a war where there is no break. Of course a real war is more serious yet this is a nightmare.
O: Yes it is different but there’s a similar dynamic.
E: There’s levels of stress on a scale of 1 to 10 and it’s like we’re stuck grinding along at a 7. It is all the time. As as it feels like we’re getting some relief in one area, then the riptide shows up elsewhere. And it’s likely to be that way for some time.
O: It can seem like you are stuck in an endless storm. So what can you do to contain, manage or resolve any of it? It’s like you’re in muddy fields. What can you do by self-care for clearing your head and emotions?
E: Hummm.
O: It’s important to have ways of releasing the stress day by day and not be carrying around as much of the cumulative mud. Self care becomes essential. What are the ways you can build on what you are already doing?
E: I think it’s the keys we talk about. It’s the self care stuff: the sleep, the nutrition, exercise, and … … … Jeez, I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I have my challenges but I have the resources and supports to get through this. There are many who don’t. Long pause. Okay, being in nature is huge. And there is a (nature) preserve nearby. That can be comforting but then getting to it, … long pause.
E: So I rearranged my schedule this morning and postponed my call with you to get out and get in a run and start doing that again. It was a perfect plan because any later and the trails would be super crowded for the rest of day. So now here’s the part where you will feel sorry for me. My running shoes are laced up and I’ve stretched. I’m literally heading out of the garage when my my partner calls and says “can you take an urgent call with someone”?
E and O: Both chuckle
E: After a week of trying to do this (get out for a jog), including being stuck in my own inertia about the world is burning and why should I care, and being tired because I didn’t sleep well for several nights. So now the stars are aligned for me to actually jog and then my partner contacts me and I can’t say no …
O: I hear you and am with you. I’m thinking this interruption couldn’t be scripted any better.
E: Yes, and it was something I needed to deal with. Yet I survived. I handled the call and then went upstairs and jogged for a few minutes on the treadmill. That’s a big key for me in blowing off stress and strain. I need to get away from work, get exercise and sleep, and into nature when I can.
O: Yes, yes, … you scheduled it into your day. That way you weren’t assuming you’d remember to do it through all the other activity demanding your time.
E: Yeah, because when I don’t plan it, it always goes awry. Sigh.
O: Another thing - I heard and smiled with you as you talked about feeling sorry for yourself. Yet you are just as human as the next guy. So how do you make the space for yourself to experience the real emotion that is there about feeling stuck? It’s important to have ways to make space for that too. Otherwise you can get lost in it and by default drag it around behind you. Pause.
E: Quiet.
O: If you’re having lunch and someone asked you to pass-the-salt, you have to be able to connect with the salt to give it to them. In a situation, you need to connect enough with a stressful feeling or thought to not only sense what it's communicating with you, but also to connect with it enough to be able to let it go. Make sense? Pause.
E: Nods and sighs.
O: So for how long did you jog?
E: I got on the treadmill and walked slowly during my emergency call. Then I got into my run for 30 minutes, followed by a shower. So I got what I needed which was the exercise, and found a way to do it with the last minute, urgent call. Later tonight I can take the kids for a walk and get outside.
O: All sounds good. You found a way to meet the demands of your beginning day while also finding the time to do something necessary for yourself.
E: Yes. Though at times I feel depleted. Went for a jog on Sunday and I felt lousy.
O: I hear you. Let’s continue creating a list of the self care map that can help steady your ship.
E: OK.
O: What do you need to do for your self care? We’ve talked about diet and nutrition, sufficient & quality sleep, and ways to de-stress throughout the day.
E: Yeah, those are the big ones.
O: Good. What else? Let’s flush out this quick list.
E: Yeah, sleep, nutrition, exercise, …
O: All right. And with what’s being demanded of your attention and energy, do you have ways you can slow down and share quality time with your family? Pause.
E: Yeah, it’s been challenging because we’re alternating having over-scheduled days. Do you know what I mean? It’s like we’re playing a game of we can’t slow down at the same time. Today we’re actually all having a good day.
O: Good to hear. We have 20 more minutes now. Let’s look at your biggest stressor. And then outline a step by step process to walk you through the mire.
E: Yes, let’s.
This completes the 1st of 2 articles.
Be encouraged to take a few more minutes to consider how this conversation reflects anything about your stressors, and self care that could make a difference.
Sum of Stressors: feeling stuck in a war zone / having to face 1 urgent situation overlapping into the next / just grinding along in a stress level 7 of 10 / having to grapple with uncertainty in key areas / weary from carrying the emotional mud of the days into months / difficulty finding ways to pause enough for clearing head and emotions / lack of restful sleep / and punctuated with little bandwidth for family and personal relationships.
Further, what do you relate to in his map for self care (below) into steadying his ship. And what will you add to in this map that will make a difference for yourself?
Sum of self care map: quality diet & nutrition / sufficient & quality sleep / exercise / being in nature / ways to de-stress throughout the day / time & support to get things sorted through and off your chest / relationship time with family and friends / and scheduling self care throughout the day & week.
Part 2 of this article will be presented next week. The conversation with this client will continue to explore his direct experience about what’s causing his stress and the self care that gets him through it. He describes his 2 biggest stressors. We then illustrate a simple, effective process that walks him through the mire.
As always I look forward to your feedback, along with suggestions for future articles.
HERE ARE THE FORTHCOMING ARTICLES
An Executives Stressors - and Reliable Self Care, Part 2
From Being Stuck into Decision and Action
Embodying an Unwavering Heart. Note, this is the focus of my first 2 books, and the 3rd book which is currently being drafted.
otan@otanpatrickford.com 1.973.229.7174 https://www.otanpatrickford.com
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Unwavering Heart: 5 Keys to Living with Fierce Authenticity, 2014
Unwavering Heart: 5 Keys to Becoming your Destiny, 2017