An Executives Stressors - and Reliable Self Care, Part 2
It’s never been more stressful to be an executive. Yet you are not alone. This article will share, with permission, my conversation with an executive about working through the stressful issues we face every day, and creating a self care map to steady his ship.
This is the 2nd of this article’s series. We continue to explore this executives direct experience with what’s causing his stress and the self-care that gets him though it.
Today he describes his 2 biggest stressors. We then illustrate a simple, effective process that walks him through the mire.
Otan, O: Let’s look more closely at your stressors and then into the destress stuff.
Executive Client, EC: Absolutely.
O: Good. Let’s focus again on what causes your stress. What’s the linchpin?
EC: Uncertainty. It’s the uncertainty and the dread. The pressure to make things happen that don’t seem possible.
O: Yes, and you have to find a way to get it done anyway. It’s like throwing gas on the stress-fire.
EC: Yep, that’s right. It’s pretty much been the job description for awhile.
O: Gotcha. Anything else you want to add to the list?
EC: Big sigh. No. Those are the big things. Uncertainty is the biggest stressor today. You know, the dread of the tough conversation … or the tough decisions … because there are factors we just don’t know. Uncertainty makes everything bigger than it is.
O: Understood. Let’s look now at distressing and recovering some of your vitality.
EC: Yes … It starts with just doing things to get my mind off all this shit. I do what I can to stop watching any form of news, while doing what I can to gather info I may need without being dragged down the rabbit hole.
O: What else can you do, including building on what you are now doing?
EC: Well, playing with the kids a little bit. Doing more of that. Literally getting consumed in stuff that has nothing to do with any of my current situation. That includes limiting time watching pointless television and instead doing something meaningful that absorbs my attention for a bit.
O: Yes, that’s a key point. Doing things to get your mind out of the fixed focus on the stressors. It can seem impossible to let it go. In effect then, you can't see beyond the nose on your face. You can be so deep inside your own preoccupation that it’s difficult to even see what’s is in front of you when walking across the room. There are simple practices that help deal with being stuck in fixed perspectives. We’ve talked about it. Simple steps such as going outside and walking slowly - the walking part is important - while simply looking at things w/o thinking about them. Just look and sense its solidness.This process is so simple but initially requires discipline. When practiced consistently, it can have an impact on letting go of fixed thoughts or emotions.
EC: Hmmm, sounds interesting.
O: Yes. It helps to experience the process. By re-focusing on objects around you w/o thinking about them, it gradually releases the suction from the think-think about something. Would you like an example?
EC: That would be good.
O: Back in 2000 (my personal situation), my family and I relocated from the west to east coast. Our work, as well as our relationships, had the stress of a significant transition. It felt like everything was somehow being stirred. I got deeply wrapped up in think-think about all the changes and perceived problems.
EC: I know what that’s like.
O: Yes. (This is the de-stress process illustrated.) What I did every day was go for a long walk. As best I could, I looked at the trees, buildings, big rocks, and things that had a big physical mass. Did this 2x a day for 30 minutes, doing my best to simply being aware of looking at physical objects while not thinking about them. This helped release the inner intensity of the attachment to the think-think about my situation.
O: Initially I felt emotionally and mentally dull, from the overall pressure that I’d been experiencing. Often I didn’t feel like continuing this practice, but from experience, both personal as well as with clients,I knew it worked though not overnight. It is a progressive process. So I scheduled these practices and disciplined myself to do them.
O: When possible I’d have a colleague or friend join for helping me focus on the practice. Over a few weeks I could feel the pressure and dullness releasing. After a few more weeks I experienced progressive shifts in my clarity and vitality. This was the fruit of the practice which I continued for a while to stabilize.
EC: All this makes sense but often when knee deep in something I forget to do things that are good for me, like eat a good meal instead of some junk food.
O: Yes. The first step in any change process is the biggest. And for something to really engage you, it’s often necessary to have had the experience of doing it, along with the ROI. And while the practice we’re looking at is simple, it is different from what people are used to doing.
EC: Sounds like it.
O: Let’s brainstorm. We’ll schedule a laser session when we can go for a walk outside together. You can have the camera of your phone facing in front of you to give me the eyes of being there with you. This is a new thought for me too and I like it. It enables me to be there with you so I can support during the process.
EC: Lunch is on me.
O: I like that. OK, so I will be there virtually with you during your walk. As I see a building to the right, I'll ask you to look at it. This helps you focus on it. After a few seconds I’ll acknowledge what you did and then repeat this process for another object in the area. We can continue this process for a period of time. I suggest we schedule 20 minutes.
EC: I’m in.
O: Very good! Doing something like this when it is new can seem like a big step in getting started. The presence of another person can be helpful to prime the pump for focus & motivation. It also provides simple structure. This enables you to experience the process so you then have a frame of reference when doing it on your own.
O: I can help you get started and offer guidelines about how a colleague or friend can help with this too. I’ve been doing this simple process for decades. It is simple yet effective, and I still schedule it into my day. Let’s call it, “going for a walk”.
EC: Yeah, it’s interesting because it’s exactly why I like to go into nature. Especially when hiking or jogging. If I’m absorbed my shit, then I may end up on my face. So I focus on what’s there - that rock, that tree, and what’s in front of me so I can get through it.
O: That sounds smart. We still have a few minutes. Let’s move our focus to the key motivators that will engage you to structure and actually apply the processes that will help de-stress and restore your vitality
EC: This is big for me. So many times I wanted to change something and had ideas about how to do it. But it gets buried under the endless pile of to do’s.
O: That's a struggle we can all relate to. How important is it to get going on this? Is it important enough to change that tarpit of a pattern?
EC: Absolutely.
O: Good, because nothing less will do. Let’s keep this simple and focused. What are the 3 areas of your self-care to include in getting started, and this week?
EC: Better nutrition, restful sleep, and consistent exercise.
O: I can relate to this list myself. What’s your motivation to actually do this? What’s the actual ROI for you?
EC: The impact can be big. Getting organized so can eat a substantial lunch regardless of my schedule. This includes having good snacks for the unscheduled late afternoon meetings when my dinner also gets put off til 8:00 PM or later. Grabbing junk food actually dulls my alertness and then effects my sleep that night. This carries over to the next day. That should be simple and a good place to start.
EC: The sleep thing will be a lot more complicated. These 10 hour + days are endless and I just can’t find the switch to turn everything off so I can relax. My gas tank is often running on fumes. I gotta find a way through this fog.
O: What happens if you don’t?
EC: I don’t know. I’ve realized this for a while but haven’t been able to do anything about it.
O: What happens if you don’t change it, and soon?
EC: I don’t know but that thought scares me. I can’t keep slogging along like this. It’s no way to live and I’m concerned about my health.
O: Sounds like you’ve got some real grit about dealing with this. We’ll figure it out and keep your motivation in front of you.
O: Tell me about the exercise.
EC: I love the working out, hikes, being in nature. But it keeps getting pushed off my calendar.
O: There’s a connection among these three self-care objectives. We’ll align them in the game plan so they reinforce each other. This will be a labor of love for you.
O: We have 3 more minutes now. What is one thing that you can do and will do over the next week in each of these 3 areas: nutrition, sleep and exercise?
EC: This weekend I’ll be sure the food shopping list will have everything I need for good lunches and snacks, and bottled water too. I’ll jog this Saturday when there for my son’s soccer match. Also find 2 times for brief workouts in my (home)gym.
EC: Continuing, and then there’s sleep. I’ll be putting my work away by 9:00 PM. I’m also hoping being less wired at end of the day after eating better lunches and snacks.
O: You got it. I look forward next week to hearing about your progress and any side-steps. We can also look at this more closely and generate a simple plan, with strategies, to guide the steps in moving forward.
This concludes the 2nd of this series of articles.
Sum of this executive’s stressors:
From Part 1: feeling stuck in a war zone / having to face 1 urgent situation overlapping into the next / just grinding along in a stress level 7 of 10 / having to grapple with uncertainty in many areas / weary from carrying the emotional mud of the days into months / difficulty finding ways to pause enough for clearing head and emotions / lack of restful sleep / and punctuated with little bandwidth for family and personal relationships.
From Part 2: relentless uncertainty which makes everything bigger than it is / the pressure to make the impossible happen / the dread of the tough conversations or decisions because there’s factors we just don’t know.
What about this executives stressors can you relate to your situation? What personal stressors can to add to the above list.
Sum of this executive’s self-care map:
From Part 1: quality diet & nutrition / sufficient & quality sleep / exercise / being in nature / ways to destress throughout the day / time & support to get things sorted through and off your chest / relationship time with spouse, family and friends / and scheduling self care throughout your day & week.
From Part 2: it starts with just doing things to get your mind off all this shit / playing with the kids / minimizing watching the news / literally getting consumed in stuff that has nothing to do with your current situation / getting away by going outside, walking around and breathing more deeply, while focusing on objects around yourself / doing things that gradually release the suction from the rabbit hole of think-think about your situation / have substantial food for lunches and late afternoon snacks / put away the work by 9:00 PM / creatively find consistent time for exercise.
What do you relate with about his map for self-care. And what will you add to this map that will make a difference for you?
HERE ARE FORTHCOMING ARTICLES
From Being Stuck into Decision and Action
Embodying an Unwavering Heart. Note, this is the focus of my first 2 books, and the 3rd book which is currently being drafted.
otan@otanpatrickford.com 1.973.229.7174 https://www.otanpatrickford.com
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Unwavering Heart: 5 Keys to Living with Fierce Authenticity, 2014
Unwavering Heart: 5 Keys to Becoming your Destiny, 2017